Adventures with Social Security

                                           Signing the Social Security Act of 1935. Were two-hour 

                                            waits what FDR had in mind?  Source: Social Security History (ssa.gov)

Here’s a parable of government service. Might it apply to Kazakhstan?

When I taught in Almaty, I was robbed of my card for Social Security, the public pension program in the United States.  Identity theft is common in Central Asia. To apply for a replacement card, Social Security said I had to be in the States. It wouldn’t deal with computers in foreign countries.

Now that I am in Baltimore, I have applied. The agency says I probably don’t need a card, because I know my Social Security number. But in Kazakhstan, some banks require your card, which is why it is prone to theft. Sberbank, the Russian savings bank that had branches in Kazakhstan, wouldn’t provide access to my accounts without either my Social Security card or my original birth certificate.

So I filled out the online form. The app intoned: Fill it out again. I had to exit to avoid an infinite loop. But not to worry! Because I had completed the form, said the app, I could get my card “quickly” at the local office. No, I couldn’t get it in the mail. I had to go to Hospital Drive, Glen Burnie, Maryland.

Off I went, a $20 taxi ride. The office is in a dilapidated storefront with folding chairs and no bathroom or water cooler or even a 50-brand Coke machine visible. The one staff member in the waiting room, a security officer sitting at a desk with his hands folded, is instructed not to answer questions.

Customers are not served in order of arrival. The evident order of service depends on the Wheel of Fortune. About 40 people waited listlessly, many in wheelchairs or hobbling on the arm of a loved one, often in pain. (The Social Security program includes disability payments.)

After an hour, the supervisor stuck her head out of the office. Unfortunately, she had few case officers today. Either wait two hours or go home and make an appointment.

I went home and called up the app. Ah, you can’t make an appointment online. To set a time for a five-minute interview, you must go to the Social Security office and wait for two hours.

Joseph Heller must be spinning in his grave.

Social Security says its review of applications for benefits takes four weeks "for most people." Mine is aging gracefully into six weeks, so I sought a phone call with the mavens of review.

Social Security says it has a call-back feature, but it's always "closed." The alternative is to call an 800 number and say, "Help Desk." You can say "Help Desk" until you're blue in the face, and nothing happens. If you're still hanging grimly on to the phone, you are next treated to a long lecture about the glories of the online facility (which I'd already tried), with a menacing message about fibbing to Social Security (which I've never done). Then..."To talk to someone, just say 'Agent.'" At last! But there is no agent. Call us back when we're not so busy. Exactly when is that? Oh, maybe in the morning. Click.  A metaphor for the biggest-spending agency in American government.

I've called the 800 number, morning, noon, and bleary evening, early in the week, late in the week, at least five times, for calls lasting 14 to 29 minutes. I've never gotten through. So, at David Bobb's good suggestion, I called the Westminster office -- and got immediate help. Evidently, a Mr. Nameless (let's call him) sent me a letter asking me to prove that I was Leon Taylor. (I never received it.) I need to show a photo ID. Sounds simple!

Until you try to call Mr. Nameless. He is a very busy man, no time to pick up his phone. His recorded message instructs you to leave one, and only one, brief recorded message, and wait two business days. After calling four times in one week, I still await the honor of conversing with Mr. Nameless.

I wrote Social Security. It replied: 

"Response\11357891\WBDOC 11986\

"Thank you for contacting the Social Security Administration.  We apologize for the delay in answering your inquiry. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused.  [This is a form reply.] You can obtain the location and other information about your local Social Security office by calling our toll-free telephone number…."

Well, thank you very much. The 800 number doesn't work! I'd like to see this chatty chatbot try it. 

I replied: 

 "As usual, your response is unresponsive. I know where the Glen Burnie office is. The problem is that the average wait there is over two hours, for a five-minute interview. 

"Why can't I make an appointment by phone? It would save everyone time.  Why can't Social Security recipients even get short calls returned?  Why doesn't Social Security monitor the efficiency of its employees?"

I predict that the chatbot will be very confused.

Solutions are blindingly easy. The Glen Burnie office should

(1   *   Install its own telephone number. At present, it lists only the 800 national number. In fact, Social Security should use the 800 number anywhere only to automatically connect callers to the closest office. If its number is busy, roll over to the next closest office, 

(2   *  Let clients make appointments online or by phone.

(3   *  For drop-ins, provide estimated wait times by phone or online.

(4   *   Raise salaries, or penalize for absences, so that case workers actually show up. 

     Congressman Sarbanes, over to you.  –Leon Taylor, Baltimore tayloralmaty@gmail.com 

     

F   Notes: For comments, I thank Nicholas Baigent, David Bobb, Michael Bobb, and Randall Dittmer.

                       

F